


hold my heart in your hands

by halokeys



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Beomgyu is nervous, Canon Compliant, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, kind of??, overuse of commas, predebut, taegyu, taehyun calms him down, that's basically it, the world needs more taegyu fluff so I wrote this, this is a mess sorry, yearner taehyun agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28012554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halokeys/pseuds/halokeys
Summary: It's the day of their debut and Beomgyu disappears right before they're scheduled to take the stage. Taehyun finds him and calms him down + feelings
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Kudos: 83





	hold my heart in your hands

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy  
> so this is my first time writing an au (like EVER) hurray! lmk your thoughts in the comments :]
> 
> edit: just skimmed through this again and found like a thousand grammar mistakes LOL so sorry if you had to read through that

March 4. D-day.

Taehyun woke up with a jolt. Heart pounding out of his chest, he checked the clock on his bedside table. 4:50 AM. _Damn._ He had hoped to get a bit more rest, but considering the mediocre quality of the 4 hours of sleep he'd gotten, it wouldn’t have done him much good. He was way too high strung for going back to sleep to even be an option anyways. All five of them had been up until well past midnight despite their manager’s requests for them to try and turn out early, just talking, worrying, reminiscing.

Everything still felt so surreal, unbelievable. Ever since the debut lineup had been announced 4 months ago, their lives had become so busy and chaotic that Taehyun had barely been able to find time for himself. Years of aimless practicing and longing for a stage to perform on had finally, finally come to an end. Of course, training as idols-to-be was just as exhausting, if not more, than it was as trainees, but their aching muscles and sweat stained collars were justified with the knowledge that their dreams were finally becoming reality. Now they were finally debuting, and Taehyun felt more conflicted than he should have. He was ecstatic, definitely, that all his hard work had finally paid off, but there was one issue that he had yet to put to rest, and that was his uncertain relationship with Beomgyu. The two were in a constant state of limbo, dancing around each other, and that confusion combined with his anxiousness towards their debut sparked chaos in his already messy mind.

Sighing, Taehyun sat up and rubbed his eyes. Might as well get up now that he was awake. He glanced around him at the motionless forms of his sleeping members. Soobin and Kai were sprawled across the floor, surrounded by Kai’s multitude of plushies (Taehyun worried that their backs would be sore later). Yeonjun was buried under a mountain of pillows and blankets and Beomgyu was curled up in the corner of the couch, where he and Taehyun stayed up talking well after the others had gone to sleep until Beomgyu’s nerves subsided and he was able to drift into a restless slumber. Taehyun hadn’t wanted to leave him alone, feeling the inexplicable need to protect him (from what Beomgyu needed protecting, he wasn’t really sure), but he crawled back to his own bed instead, wishing he was curled up beside Beomgyu instead.

Gently, careful not to wake up any of the other members, he shuffled to the kitchen for a glass of water and sat down at the table, scrolling aimlessly through his phone to try and calm his mind. Taehyun allowed himself briefly to relish in the bittersweet nostalgia of their trainee life, reminiscing all the laughter and tears they’d shared in the musty practice rooms, reliving the times he and Beomgyu would sneak to the roof to watch the sunrise and he’d steal glances at the other when he thought he wasn’t looking. He held those moments close to his heart, like precious secrets locked up in a safe that only he and Beomgyu knew the passcode to. He lost himself in pictures and videos of the five of them as trainees, still young with scrawny arms and knobby knees, and barely noticed when the others woke up and started to get ready. At the crack of dawn, their manager came to get them and the chaos of (soon-to-be) idol life resumed once again.

Taehyun pushed what he had deemed “The Beomgyu Problem” into the back of his mind, determined not to dwell about it until _after_ they’d debuted.

Somehow, some time later, Taehyun found himself sitting in the corner of a glaringly bright dressing room, watching the stylists and makeup artists zip back and forth between members, wiping away imperceptible eyeshadow smudges and flattening out wrinkles he couldn’t even see, and there was so much hairspray in the air that Taehyun could practically feel the sticky liquid being absorbed into his bloodstream. He briefly wondered if hairspray poisoning was a thing and contemplated negotiating with the company to ban hairspray if it was. Vaguely, Taehyun heard his name being called. He let Kai lead him out of the dressing room and into the waiting area, barely able to hear anything over the blood rushing in his ears and the adrenaline coursing through his body.

“Taehyun! Hey, Taehyun. How are you feeling? You look kind of out of it.”

Kai’s voice snapped him back to reality and Taehyun suddenly realized how much he’s grown since they met. He’s stronger now, a drastic change from the shy, fragile child he’d been when he joined. Taehyun couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride for their youngest. He’d grown into his features a bit, the excitement and fear were evident on his face as he asks, and Taehyun was glad that he could still read Kai just as well as when they were younger.

“I’m...still processing, I guess. I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He trails off at the end.

Kai sighed and brought his hand up to run it through his hair before seemingly remembering the 200 cans of hairspray the stylists had treated it with.

“Yeah...we really did it, huh? Wow.” he laughed, dropping his hand to rest on Taehyun’s knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Honestly, it still isn’t really registering for me either but I’m sure it’ll hit me once we perform.”

Taehyun tried to smile back at him but it came out kind of strained and weird, which Kai graciously chose not to comment on, clearly understanding his ongoing inner turmoil. He simply gave him a gentle pat on the back before leaving to go check on Yeonjun, who seemed to be having a bit of a hard time as well.

What a nice guy, Taehyun thought.

He spent the next few minutes warming up, running through his lines and marking the choreography, as if they hadn’t practiced it so many times he could do it perfectly in his sleep. Time passed so slowly as he waited for them to be called and he jumped in surprise when he finally heard the stage manager’s voice ring through the hallway.

“Tomorrow By Together, please make your way backstage now. You guys are up in 15.”

Something in Taehyun’s mind freaked out a little upon hearing this. He didn’t really know why, honestly. He’d wanted this for so long and now that it was _right there_ in front of him, he felt so unprepared and nervous. Searching for some reassurance, he slipped his hand into Soobin’s, who gave him a gentle squeeze as if to say “You can do it”, and they walked towards the stage together. There was a weird feeling hanging in the back of his mind, kind of like when he forgot to text his parents before going to sleep or when he accidentally left his wallet in the car, kind of like something was missing, but he chalked it up to nerves and tried to ignore it.

The wings were full of staff (seriously, did they really need that many people?) rushing around making last minute adjustments. It, quite frankly, looked like chaos.

Taehyun loved it. Still he couldn’t shake that weird feeling and it was really starting to bother him. Suddenly, he heard a commotion by the prop room and whipped his head around to check it out.

“HOW DID THIS EVEN GET TANGLED WHAT THE HECK???” Kai’s shriek echoed off the walls and Taehyun winced, grateful that their mics were still off. Soobin looked like he was about to have a meltdown and Yeonjun was scrambling around looking for a stylist to untangle the mess of necklaces and earpiece wires that currently hung around Soobin’s neck and Beomgyu...was nowhere to be found.

Taehyun panicked. It really wasn’t a big deal. Maybe he went to the restroom or wanted fresh air, or maybe he was getting his makeup fixed or doing some last minute practicing by himself. There was no reason for Taehyun to be worried, really. But that strange, foreboding feeling had only intensified and Taehyun suddenly felt an irresistible urge to find Beomgyu as fast as possible. It wasn’t like anyone would notice he was gone with the other 3 members stirring up such a commotion. He waited for the staff to turn their attention to Soobin and quietly slipped out the door.

He was pretty much alone in the hallway and it was so quiet he could almost hear his own racing heartbeat. Taehyun wracked his brain.

_Where was the last place I saw him? Was it the dressing room? Come to think of it, we haven’t really talked since we got here. Oh god what if he’s hurt or needs help or-_

A loud crash sounding from the direction of the dressing room snapped him out of his thoughts and sent him running before he even processed that he was moving. He threw open the door to find...an empty room? Wait.

“Beomgyu?” Taehyun didn’t really know why he was talking so softly, but it felt right to do so. “Beomgyu are you here?”

He heard a small sniffle coming from behind one of the costume racks and cautiously walked over. Beomgyu was crouched behind the clothing bags with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was taking deep breaths, muttering to himself softly. Taehyun’s heart ached a little at how small and vulnerable he looked. Not really sure what to do, he squeezed in next to Beomgyu and squatted down next to him. Beomgyu’s makeup was really pretty. It brought out his abnormally long eyelashes and sharp jawline, and his hair was styled so it framed his face perfectly and Taehyun thought for a second that Beomgyu was so pretty it was kind of unfair.

“Hey...what’s going on?” Taehyun whispered, afraid of making it worse. “Are you okay?”

Beomgyu didn’t respond right away, but he shrugs a little, a movement so small Taehyun barely even noticed it. But he did.

Heart cracking a little more, he shuffled closer to wrap his arm around Beomgyu, who seemed to be shaking a little, and Taehyun realized how stupid his question was. Of course he wasn’t okay. Beomgyu had always been the hardest on himself, staying back to practice long after the others had left because he felt some weird need to make up for joining late, even though it wasn’t his fault at all. He was always working to improve something, preferring to wear himself to the bone rather than give up and go home. It made sense that this would hit him harder.

“I guess...it’s just a little overwhelming, you know? I can’t believe this is actually happening. What if I’m not ready? What if the fans don’t like me, or I’m not good enough yet?” He sounded a little frantic. “There’s so much I can’t do yet and this is so important and what if I don’t do well and let you all down?”

The last part came out a whisper, but Taehyun heard it loud and clear. Something ached in him and he cut Beomgyu off before he could continue.

“Hey hey hey...listen to me. You don’t need to worry about all that, okay? You’re amazing at what you do, believe me.” Taehyun smiled, a little taken off guard by how genuine the words came out. “Beomgyu, you’re meant for this. If anyone can do this, it’s you. And maybe Yeonjun.”

It was a feeble attempt at a joke, but at least it made Beomgyu smile a bit, and Taehyun realized he meant every single word he just said.

The first time he met Beomgyu, he wasn’t really sure what to think. Before even meeting in person, Taehyun had heard all about him from the other trainees.

“He’s so handsome it’s crazy, Hyun. Like, I-couldn’t-stop-staring-at-his-face-for-a- solid-5-minutes-and-walked-into-a wall-on-accident kind of handsome,” Kai whispered to him as they ate lunch one day. Taehyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes and went back to picking at his rice.

“Did you hear about the new trainee? Apparently he was added to the debut line as soon as he joined,” Soobin murmured in awe during dance practice. Even Yeonjun couldn’t stop talking about the trainee whose voice was “smoother than honey, Hyun, you have to hear him sing.”

When they finally met, Beomgyu was nothing like he’d envisioned. Taehyun’s first thought was _wow. He’s handsome._ He had the kind of face that you couldn’t look away from and an aura that commanded your attention. Beomgyu gave off the kind of energy that made people either want to be him or be with him and Taehyun suddenly understood why everyone was losing their minds over this trainee. He was irresistible. Everything, from the way he carried himself to his voice, rich and smooth like melted chocolate, screamed that this boy was meant for the stage, meant to be loved by everyone.

But Taehyun was stubborn and cynical and nothing if not prideful, so he held him at arm's length for as long as he could, only engaging in conversation when absolutely necessary and never dropping formalities. He could tell Beomgyu was a little put off by it, but he was determined to figure out what kind of person this guy was before letting his walls down. All he could tell from his careful observations was that Beomgyu was loud and annoying and so full of himself, and Taehyun didn’t care much for it at all. He was fine with keeping a professional relationship between them. He really didn’t need someone like that disrupting him all the time.

He lasted maybe a month, probably less, before Beomgyu wormed his way through his hard exterior and settled comfortably into Taehyun’s life. Taehyun tried to be against it, he really did, going out of his way to avoid spending time together, but he began to notice things about Beomgyu he never cared to look for before.

Beomgyu was the most charismatic person Taehyun’s ever met and he knew it. He was like some sort of magnet that drew everyone’s attention to him, but he never once let it get to his head. For as long as they’d known each other, he’d always been as humble as one could get, which confused Taehyun because he just didn’t understand how Beomgyu could be so modest when he was literally, well, Beomgyu. Taehyun couldn’t even count the number of times he’d gone to Beomgyu for help with composing a piece or clarification on choreography, being met with easy compliance every time. He’d seen Beomgyu staying late with younger trainees after practice so they didn’t have to walk home alone and he watched him help Kai with homework when Taehyun was too busy with his own assignments, just so Soobin and Yeonjun didn’t have to worry. Later at night, when Taehyun left his room for a drink of water, he saw Beomgyu hunched over at the dinner table, rushing through his own schoolwork, and realized he sacrificed his already limited rest time to make sure the other members didn’t have to shoulder their burdens alone.

Somehow, Beomgyu had always been able to read him like an open book. It really put him off at first because he felt like his privacy was being invaded somehow, but Taehyun had come to realize that that was just how Beomgyu was: always watching, always listening, always paying attention when no one else was. It was endearing and a little unsettling at the same time. Not much really escaped his notice, he simply chose not to address everything he saw. Beomgyu was good at comforting people because he showed his support silently, more like an offer than a statement. It was like he was reaching out his hand and it was up to the person to decide whether or not they wanted to take it. So many times Taehyun pushed his hand away, brandishing his pride like a sword, but so many more he grabbed it and held on tight, desperate for the warmth and understanding that only Beomgyu could provide. 

Taehyun still thought Beomgyu was loud and annoying; that was one thing that didn’t change and probably never would. But he found that it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. Beomgyu had never been afraid to speak his mind, which was usually full of the strangest ideas and epiphanies, and he liked to crack stupid jokes whenever they popped into his head, to Taehyun’s dismay at first and Kai’s immense joy. Most of the time, he was outspoken and unapologetic about his thoughts, which was why Taehyun cherished their quiet moments so dearly. If he was being honest with himself, some of his favorite memories from predebut life were of him and Beomgyu lying together in the dark, talking about themselves, their futures, their hopes, dreams, and worries. He found that Beomgyu’s waters run deeper than he let people see, which made him a perfect candidate for Taehyun to go to with his 2AM musings about life.

He thought it was kind of funny how blind Beomgyu could be to things right under his nose. Sure, he may have been scarily observant when it came to offering comfort, but for someone who was always watching others, he seemed to notice very little when it came to his own life. Taehyun wondered how Beomgyu could look at him like that, like he was reading right through him, like he could tear Taehyun open with nothing but his eyes, yet fail to understand why Taehyun’s gaze always landed on him first, why it was always Beomgyu’s covers he slid under when he couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t like Taehyun tried to hide it anymore. He did at first, dodging Beomgyu for days, putting as much distance between them as physically possible in the car, shutting all his doors in Beomgyu’s face, but just like he couldn’t stay indifferent towards Beomgyu when they first met, he couldn’t stay away from him for long. After Beomgyu cornered him in the studio demanding he stop avoiding him, Taehyun yearned from up close, hoping Beomgyu would realize the way his touch lingered and his eyes naturally gravitated towards him, how he laughed brighter and louder when Beomgyu was around to muffle the sound of his pounding heart. How he wished to be seen as more than just a little brother, but Taehyun knew their story cover to cover. Taehyun was Icarus and Beomgyu was the sun, and he would rather love from the shadows than risk reaching too far for something—someone—he’d never be able to have.

Taehyun was brought out of his reverie when he felt Beomgyu trembling against him. He didn’t know exactly when Beomgyu got so close but their shoulders and knees were pressed so tightly against each other it kind of hurt and his heart was going haywire inside his chest, mind blanking at the sudden proximity. He took a deep breath and looked at Beomgyu again and realized that his hands were shaking. Suddenly he realized why he wanted so badly to protect Beomgyu last night. 

Beomgyu was strong, one of the strongest people he’s ever met, in fact. He had a cheerful, overly-energetic persona that made everyone around him feel warm and comfortable, which was exactly what he wanted. He had a way of talking that left people knowing nothing real about him even after hours and hours of conversation. Beomgyu protected himself so well that almost no one could penetrate his walls, which meant he was pretty much alone in his own mind, which Taehyun knew could get really scary at times.

Because contrary to the happy-go-lucky image he presented, deep down, Beomgyu was all broken glass and jagged edges from the way he was forced to grow up before he was ready, drowning out all his aching longings by pushing himself past his limits again and again. He was a perfectionist because the constant striving towards that shining unattainability gave him temporary escape from his own mind, these patches of dry land in the angry waters of his soul too tantalizing for someone as alone as Beomgyu to resist.

Taehyun wanted to protect Beomgyu from himself, wanted to piece together his broken parts and soften his sharp edges so he didn’t have to be in pain all alone anymore.

He gave into the urge he’d been fighting every hour of every day for the past 6 months and took Beomgyu’s slender hands into his own, holding on tight as if he might slip through his fingers.

“Beomgyu, hey. Look at me.”

And he did.

Beomgyu’s gaze was so warm and gentle, yet it made Taehyun feel raw. He felt seen, acknowledged, understood, but at the same time he felt like he was being torn apart, the mess that was his mind and heart spilling out for Beomgyu to examine and pick apart as he pleased. The others had always looked so perplexed when he brought this up with them so he’d just assumed that he was just overthinking, but this time he knew he wasn’t imagining it. Beomgyu was _staring_. Unlike his trembling hands, his gaze was unwavering, and Taehyun suddenly felt like he should say something, confess something (but what?).

“You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay, okay?” Taehyun squeezed his hands once, twice, three times, searching Beomgyu’s eyes for his reaction.

Beomgyu took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and nodded almost imperceptibly.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

Taehyun grinned wide and stood up, tugging Beomgyu with him. They walked to the stage hand in hand, shoulders bumping, treasuring their final moments as just Kang Taehyun and Choi Beomgyu, two normal boys with dreams bigger than them and silent promises to reach for the stars together.

Beomgyu was still shaking a little as they took their spots, but when he glanced at Taehyun, who gave him a small smile and a little fist pump, his heart skipped a beat and he thought contentedly  
_Maybe they’d be ok._

**Author's Note:**

> the world needs more taegyu fluff so I wrote taegyu fluff
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/halokeys) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/halokeys) :]


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